Abby Holland

Mad Men this week was full of flashbacks, drug trips and Sally’s attitude. Don threw a phone, Peggy kissed a co-worker and we FINALLY saw BETTY!  We got to see more of Don’s past when he was living in a whore house AND a thief stole 3 of Don’s watches! Let’s pour ourselves a stiff one and read the top ten moments from Mad Men together.

Here we go!

10.  Like the dog he is, Don left his mark in front of his ex-lover’s backdoor in hopes that she will notice him and re-start the affair.

9. A bunch of guys at the office get shots of “energy serum” in the butt and then go on their own sweaty, whacky, drugged-out trips!

8. Betty is back and in full swing; while a mini-Betty is brewing and turning into her mother every day.

Hi SMASHIES! I’m sad that we are counting down the days until SMASH is off the air. I’m planning on having a Smash candlelight vigil with a glass of wine and my roommate’s cat if anyone wants to join me. But until then we will carry on and celebrate until the very end! This week on Smash there were rumors spread, drama unfolded and secrets revealed!!!! Here are this week’s top ten moments you would share with a stranger on a plane! Get your dance belts on. Let’s do it!

10. Lindsay Mendez guest stars and really shows off her pipes.

9. Hitlist is in PREVIEWS on Broadway!!

8. Ivy does a strip tease

Hello everyone! Let’s just get the bad news out of the way first. I was saddened by SMASH this week because they killed off the sweetest character on the show, Kyle. But on the flip side, Julia doesn’t wear any scarves, Ivy goes to see rival show, Hitlist, AND stupid Jimmy is still the same angry, troubled cry baby he always is. Here are this week’s top ten moments from SMASH! This one is for you KYLE!!!!!!!!!!

Let’s do it!

10. Karen and Derek down 4 bottles of wine and then open-eye kiss.

9. Tom makes an awkward phone call to a potential hook up.

8. We get a double Jimmy montage; my worst nightmare.

This week on Mad Men, we got to see the cast deal with the assassination of Martin Luther King, Jr. It was very historic and emotionally-charged. But look on the bright side! Betty came back —FINALLY— and was just as ornery as always. Don got to see his kids and Peggy had apartment/baby talk with her BF!! Sit back and relax because here are the Top 10 moments from Mad Men the Summer of Love couldn’t even see coming.

Here we go!

10. Peggy and her BF try to get a new apartment (which ends up falling through) – then they have a “where do we want to live/raise kids” talk.

9. The copywriting hot shot guy with the pube mustache, Michael Ginsberg, eats Cheerios and sews a shirt for his father (who he lives with.)

8. After everyone finds out about the MLK assassination, we get to see what it was really like not having cellphones…..YIKES…

Hey SMASHIES! This week, Hitlist tried to get some producers so they can go to Broadway, Eileen tried to get as much press for Bombshell as possible and, most surprisingly, Kathie Lee Gifford did NOT drink a glass of wine during her cameo! There were a few cliffhangers that shocked me, but until they are solved next week, here are this week’s top ten moments from SMASH! Get your blond wigs and tap shoes on – here we go!

10. Kathie Lee Gifford makes a CAMEO!!!

9. Derek stands in front of a soup kitchen / rush ticket line.

8. IVY mentions that she watches HBO’s GIRLS and cant’ wait to watch it on her DVR!!!!!!!!!

Hey SMASHIES! This week we FINALLY got to see Bombshell make it to opening night! I never thought I would see the day, but it happened! There were some new hook-ups, some old hook-ups and some questionable hook-ups you wouldn’t want to see again. I’m here to let you know about all the essentials on Smash; from the man-kisses to the scarf counts on Debra Messing’s neck. Here we go!

10. BOMBSHELL’s OPENING NIGHT – the moment we have ALL been waiting for. Took you long enough, Smash!

9. Ivy overhears some posh British theater-goers talking about her performance as Marilyn…and it’s not good.

8. Jimmy FINALLY tells us about his sordid past. We’re not surprised that you have Daddy issues and you became a drug dealer; it’s pretty obvious.

This week I was hoping to get my Betty Drapes fix but, sadly, I did not. Instead, I got force-fed Heinz Ketchup and Don’s cheating AGAIN. Trust me, I love putting ketchup on a lot of things, but too much can just ruin a meal. We only get one scene with Peggy, but you definitely get a big whiff of her newly found attitude and balls. So without further ado, here are the top ten moments from Mad Men you’ll trade a pack of cigs for!

10. We see a back-door deal going down with the Heinz Ketchup evil guy and Don’s crew.

9. Elevator make-out!

8. Joan goes out on the town with her girlfriend and they end up getting drinks at some funky club in the East Village where she gets down and dirty with some guy!

Like always, there was a lot of smoking, drinking and sex this week on Mad Men. On top of that, there was North Korea dinner chat, awkward brothel scenes, and Heinz ketchup got all over everything. We missed #BettyWhatTheHell, but hopefully next week we’ll catch up with her shenanigans. Here are the Top 10 moments from Mad Men the Women’s Movement is trying to forget about. Here we go!

10. It’s one thing to play a sexy character like Don Draper, but it’s another thing to be an amazing actor in an amazing show that also DIRECTS!!! Yeah JON HAMM!!!!

9. Spoiler alert: Don is at his old ways AGAIN; lying and cheating with a woman in his own BUILDING!

8. Trudy FINALLY caught Pete after years of cheating, and basically kicked him out of the house.

I think SMASH might be on its way up after this week’s episode. There was a lot of drama, old-flame hook ups, and naked nightmares! Did Karen make a mistake by leaving Bombshell? Did you guys do your taxes? Did Tom hook up with “straight” Ellis? I’ll tell you! Here are the top ten moments from SMASH you should write to your convict pen pal about!

10. Tom has a nightmare that the dress rehearsal for Bombshell goes terribly wrong AND that he woke up in a bed with EVIL ELLIS!!!! Way to just slip that in there SMASH!

9. The fog machine goes haywire right before the BIG SHOW! AHHHHHHHHH!

8. Bombshell’s dress rehearsal is less than dressed. Ivy’s negligée comes off and she gives the audience a full body shot by accident, BUT then decides to go naked AGAIN for real at the preview because everybody loved it! Surprise, surprise PERVERTS!

Toward the end of last season of Mad Men, we were left with an image of two dogs making sweet, sweet love as Peggy watched from her window, mortified.

These are the kind of moments I cherish from this show. With that said, Sunday night’s premiere did NOT disappoint. It brought MANY awkward, WTF, and #BettyWhatTheHell moments that I hope you will cherish too.

I spent the season premiere dressed up in 1960’s garb with a nice cocktail. It was amazing.

You know what’s even more amazing? The TOP TEN list of best moments from the TWO HOUR PREMIERE!!! Sit back, pour yourself an Old Fashioned (It’s happy hour somewhere) and enjoy!

10. Don gets jealous of a local Hawaiian who gets a little close to his 20-something wife Megan.

9. Megan and Don smoke some Maui Wowie.

8. Fat Betty RETURNS and talks about rape, dope, and almost hooks up with a 15-year-old girl. #BettyWhatTheHell

7. Roger tries to be a stand up comedian at his therapy session.

Spring LOVE was in the air on this week’s SMASH. There were so many potential hook-ups, so many awkward dates and SO MUCH sexual TENSION. Who made out HARD CORE? Where did Karen’s personality go? Is there a reason my chin hair keeps growing back in the same place? Let’s find out! Here are the top ten moments from SMASH your grandpa will know nothing about.

10. Karen and Jimmy are being SUPER secretive about their “relationship,” or what I like to call, “two robot teenagers having an uncomfortable hang out.” They decide to make out in the wardrobe closet; to which I screamed out loud, “EW.”

9. Tom uses SIRI.

8. The Hitlist cast performs a song about Lady Gaga.

7. Julia and that guy from RENT are old college buddies and it’s looking like they are totally gonna bang soon. It was SEXUAL TENSION CENTRAL!

Hello again Smash junkies! Did anyone ever change Jimmy’s diaper last week? Is Eileen a linebacker? Where do we go when we die? Sometimes we just don’t know all the answers. BUT I can answer some burning questions from this week’s SMASH. Feast your eyes on these ten essentials that the homeless gypsy down the street told you would happen a week ago and you didn’t believe her…

And… 5, 6, 7, 8 – GO!

10. Jimmy and Karen wake up from a night of hooking up (which I’m assuming is the two of them feeling around in the dark under a blanket and giggling). Then Jimmy comes out to the kitchen wearing a hippie blanket.

9. The stage manager gives a lot of side glances.

Hello Smashies! Is Bombshell back on track? Does Karen have a soul? Did Sean Hayes touch boobies this week? Well, I’m here to answer, “Maybe” to all of the above. This week there seemed to be a lot of arguing, a lot of making-up and a lot of MAKING OUT! Here are the ten essentials on Smash you’ll want to choke down before dinner.

Let’s go!!

10. Karen and Jimmy rehearse for Hitlist while Ivy re-joins Bombshell as Marilyn.

9. There was a very blatant product mention from Tom at rehearsal for a famous New York City bakery; Balthazar. Why don’t you just get on your KNEES Smash?!

8. Mimi from RENT (Daphne Rubin-Vega) GUEST Stars as a power chick that’s always on her phone. Too bad we only saw her 2 out of 525,600 minutes this episode.

I don’t know if it was the high definition TV I was watching, the wine I was drinking or the cat litter I was smelling, but last night’s SMASH had my emotions going up and down like a roller coaster. At first I thought, “Where are all the cheesy music numbers? This is boring.” Then the drama started, THEN the surprises started and then more confusion!!!! AHHHH. Well, have no fear, I’m here to give you the top ten essentials from SMASH that you won’t want to leave home without!
Let’s go!

10. As Tom makes his first attempt at directing, he seems to be alienating his “Star,” Karen. Artistic differences are brewing and they cannot get on the same page. Uh Oh Bombshelll!!!!!!!!

9. Scarf sightings galore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8. Jimmy, Kyle and Derek show a number from Hitlist to the artistic director of the famous Manhattan Theater Club – hoping to get a main stage run and not the dreaded – UNDERGROUND SPACE!!

Sadly, no more cameo’s by Tom’s crazy characters this week, but don’t worry, I tried them all out in my grandma’s basement and her cats loved them! This week on SMASH, there was drama! There were grown men throwing tantrums; there were fights in rehearsals; and someone showed us her vagina (kind of). Here are the ten must-knows from Smash you shouldn’t read while driving.

10. Karen and Ivy get caught in an awkward elevator ride AGAIN because they are rehearsing in the same building.

9. We find out that Eileen chose Tom’s version of Bombshell to go forward with to produce.

8. Jimmy rolls a joint and tries to be cool.

7. It seems like there are too many cooks in the kitchen when trying to make directorial decisions for Bombshell, and things start to unravel.

6. Karen can’t do Hitlist at the Fringe with Jimmy and Kyle because it conflicts with Bombshell, so she can’t do the first night of Hitlist, sending Jimmy into a temper tantrum- bitch fit.

5. But Karen disobeys and ends up doing Hitlist at the Fringe anyway. What a badass.

4. Ivy showed us her vagina in rehearsal!

3. Derek quits Bombshell and storms out of rehearsal after one of the major songs in the show is re-directed by Tom. Oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

2. Someone in the audience at The Fringe Hitlist performance wants to meet with them to possibly produce it!!!!

1. Eileen finds out that evil Ellis threw her under the bus with evil Jerry and then goes rogue with Tom and Julia. Tom will direct Bombshell and they can do what they want again with the show!

Did Angelica Houston ever find the pool last week? We may never know, but this week on SMASH, boy did we get some dramatic television boners. I’m back in action to give you a re-cap on just how these boners were achieved. What is going on with Bombshell? Does Debra Messing have a scarf on? Who should come out of the closet this week? Here are the ten essentials on Smash you can talk to your cool Aunt Karen about over wine coolers. Yippie!

10. We kick the show off with a HUGE opening number where Marilyn gets off a plane and Tom makes a whole lot of cameos as different men, women and gay men with different mustaches, glasses and head-dresses. GUESS WHO?!

THE UNDER-SEXED MONOPOLY GUY

THE HELEN KELLER

THE ACROBATIC INDIANA JONES

THE CURIOUS INDIAN BUSINESSMAN

THE FRENCH RUSTY TROMBONE PLAYER

THE CHILDISH LIBRARIAN WHO TAKES BAD NOTES

9. “Jack” from Will and Grace joins the cast of Smash as a “jokey-Hollywood-meets-Jim-Carrey-type” playing alongside Ivy in her new DRAMATIC play. He decides to go off his meds so he can really “feel” his dramatic role. This should get interesting…

8. Jimmy keeps to his neurotic, emotionally immature ways and has a one night stand with some bimbo right after making out with Karen on the last episode!!!

7. Karen and her roommate get really sweaty after kickboxing.

6. Karen sings a song about Jimmy called, “Some Boys Don’t Know How to Love.”

I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty tired of watching them trying to put a square peg into a round hole with this “romance” between these two. Just when I thought I’d had enough, Karen and Jimmy decide to just be friends while they work together on Jimmy and Kyle’s musical, Hitlist.

5. The read-through of the new draft of Bombshell goes well BUT Jerry thinks it’s not commercial enough for Broadway and won’t make any money. Come on Jerry! Bombshell has been through enough!!!

4. Wayyyyyyyy back in Brooklyn, Karen, Jimmy and Kyle have a reading of Jimmy and Kyle’s musical, Hitlist – which goes terribly and probably ruins their chances of making it to Broadway.

3. Eileen’s money-laundering boyfriend may have broken off their romance for good since he’s in jail. Don’t drop the soap or admit you funded a musical on Broadway pal, or you’ll definitely become someone’s girlfriend.

2. After fighting over which version of Bombshell should be green lit for Broadway, Eileen is chosen to make the final decision. We are left with a HUGE cliffhanger – and the episode ends RIGHT BEFORE Eileen is about to make her choice!!!!

1. I can’t wait until next week…the teaser had me asking SO MANY QUESTIONS!! What will Karen choose; Bombshell or Hitlist??? Will Derek quit Bombshell???? Which character will Tom be next week????

Did you use last week’s Smashcap to catch up on the madness that is America’s #1 Most Watched Show About Musicals? Even if you didn’t, I’m back to share with you the magic of this week’s continuation of Deborah Messing’s career. Here are the ten things you must know about this week. I’d argue that reading these ten things is every more crucial than watching the show, but, don’t take my word for it.

Let’s go.

10. Jennifer Hudson sung (or screamed, depending on your personal preference), “I got loooooooooove” over and over again for what felt like one hundred minutes straight.

9. Katherine McPhee’s love interest, who I like to call “trying to play a straight guy named Jimmy” is still acting like a spoiled tough guy. 

8.  Julia may have lost the scarves from season one, but gained a pair hideous glasses for season two. 

7. Jimmy and Kyle write a song for Jennifer Hudson and miiiiiiiiight just be in line to take Tom and Julia’s song-writing jobs.

(Smash, I see what you’re doing here.)

6. Meanwhile, Ivy’s boobs dreamed of breaking free and joining a Broadway show of their own! 

5. Sheryl Lee Ralph joined the cast as Jennifer Hudson’s stage mom who disapproves of her daughter’s choices.

(Sound familiar Sister Act 2 fans?)

4. Anjelica Houston wore a skimpy top on a couch, so my mom texted me: “She should put some clothes on. Is she going for a swim?!” Good point, mom.  

3. There was a horrible singing montage… 

2. While “rolling” (ROLLING!) on drugs, Straight Guy Jimmy gives Karen the most awkward kiss we’ve ever seen.  

 1. And if that didn’t offend you enough, EVIL ELLIS IS BACK. 

(Did you miss last week’s? Visit us next week for Abby’s Smash-tastic recap!)

If you’re gonna read our brand new Smash recaps starting next week, you’re going to have to know what’s happening on the newest season. Thanks to Best Week Ever Associate Producer Abby Holland, Smash devotee, we’re going to be recapping this clunker every week.

Missed a few eps this season? Don’t worry. We’ll catch you up. 

10. Bombshell, the musical about Marilyn Monroe that they have been slaving away at for a year, is maybe not going to happen now.

9. Jennifer Hudson joined the cast and her character is really boring!

8. This guy; who is supposedly a love interest for Karen (Katherine McPhee); is not gay.

7. Julia (Deborah Messing) is depressed and then gets her groove back by writing a new song about JFK and Marilyn. FINALLY!

6. This guy is still gay.

5. Ivy got cast in another play on Broadway after being fired from Bombshell.

4. The over-produced dance numbers are getting more and more outrageous.

3. The writers still think that two bartenders living in Brooklyn (OR ANYONE’S LIVING SITUATION) would have this much space.

2. Karen and Ivy STILL don’t get along!

1. I’m still gonna watch EVERY EPISODE.

(Visit us next week for Abby’s Smash-tastic recap!)